Dear Whole Foods,

You sold me crabs, and they sucked. Here's how I cook crabs. It's dead easy. And so much tastier.

1- boil water
2- add pepper - a lot of pepper.
3- add onions, carrots, and leeks
4- add thyme & bay leaves.
5- throw the crabs alive and head first
6- cook for 7 minutes per pound. Mind you, if you put several crabs, the water will get colder and therefore you need to add 2-3 minutes per crab.
7- once cooked, put the crabs in ice.
8- break the crabs and serve them on water.

Yes, it's that easy. Yes, it's that delicious. Dead simple.